Every time I see a snippet of Jerry Springer, I want to punch someone in the face

Frequently, I'll take a quick lunch break between Noon and 4pm in front of the television. It allows me to sit down and tone out work for a few moments while I fill my stomach. Sometimes, Jerry Springer is on (oh this is ridiculous). Every time I see a snippet of Jerry Springer, I want to punch someone in the face. I mean, Jesus! God! Do these people really exist? It's not only the people who come on the show, it's the audience members, it's the people who sit in front of their T.V.'s and laugh at this sordid puppet show, it's the fact that most of America could count their I.Q. on their toes! Oh, it's pathetic!

I mean, I realize that without these people I couldn't get a super-sized side of French fries twenty-four hours a day, but are we that incredibly ridiculous as a nation? Where do we begin to help put an end to all of this? Or, perhaps it's better that it is as it is. Like Camus' Stranger, I am thrust into this existence and it is absurd and there are absurd individuals who I will never even hope to recognize or recollect or inquire about at any time during my course of existence. "They are but flies on the wall!" I'd yell, as I ran down the streets wearing only a bathrobe and barking like a dog... Wait, that was Diogenes of Sinope. Oh, God--the symbol or word, not the 'thing'--I'm doomed. We're all doomed! [Note: apparently quite a few people agree with me] Let us burn candles (but be careful) and weep.

Alright, pessimistic existentialism aside, back in 2002 or 2003 or some blurred year, I wrote a brief passage on my old website about all the "Things that Make Me Cringe." I recently shared this with several people who encouraged me to continue writing this horrible nonsense: "You're really funny"; "You should write a book!"; etc. Maybe I will--each page having one of the lines you are about to see with an accompanying picture. Perhaps.

Either way, since I'm sure you're as much in the mood to degrade humanity as I am, here's the original Cringe list.




[Original] Note: Yes, I realize, "hate" is too strong a term and is generally an unhealthy emotion which fuels irrational actions, but you know what? I'm not going to say, "X makes me cringe," or "I have a strong dislike for X," or any other number of sentences which take much longer to type than, "I hate X." So, for the purposes of this section of the website, equate "hate" with, "strongly dislike," "can't stand," or any other healthy emotion, rational people tend to have. My goal is to reach 1,000 Things That Make Me Cringe! After that, 10,000; and so on.

1. I hate Bible-thumping morons with no leg to stand on.
2. I hate the fact that these Bible-thumping morons have actually depressed science in the name of god.
3. I hate business men who come into a restaurant and order the exact same thing, a salad.
4. I hate people who say that understanding Aristotle is pointless.
5. I hate Feminazis.
6. I hate people who don't understand the merits of a philosophy degree.
7. I hate people who think they know everything.
8. I hate men who beat women.
9. I hate gas-guzzling SUVs.
10. I hate traffic cops.
11. I hate hidden agendas.
12. I hate politics.
13. I hate fundamental anybodies.
14. I hate Ayn Rand.
15. I hate the movie Pi.
16. I hate self-righteous, pretentious fucks with no real talent.
17. I hate Hanson.
18. I hate bigots, homophobics and racists.
19. I hate Wiccans, pseudo-gothic Mansonites, teenie-bopper Pagan wannabes, and any fat chick who dresses all in black, wears black make-up, and smells of stale cigarettes.
20. I hate customer service representatives who are here to serve you twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, that is, if they're not currently updating the system.
21. I hate telemarketers that call my mobile.
22. I hate people who owe me in excess of $7,000 plus a truck.
23. I hate most people with driver's licenses.
24. I hate those who are uneducated by choice.
25. I hate people that tell me I can do this same shit over the Internet when the fucking internet site is down.
26. I hate 56k modems, and the people that use them.
27. I hate GeoShitty.
28. I hate spyware.
29. I hate computer 'buddies.'
30. I hate anti-abortionists, anti-women, and anti-child support fucktards.
31. I hate cell phones.
32. I hate New Land creationists.
33. I hate Dr. Dino's proposition.
34. I hate Trolls.
35. I hate idiots in general.

Well, that's the list so far. As I was re-typing--alright, copy and pasting :D--I thought it actually could be quite interesting to add an explanation and a picture, perhaps, and that it might actually be an interesting read. Or, if nothing else, an interesting e-book of sorts. Perhaps a blovel (Goddamnit! I thought I was being creative!)?

Eh, it's up in the air. I'm sorta interested.