Sentences I'd Eventually Like To Say To Someone.

Please note: this post author-qualified as for mature audiences only.

"Well, the bad news is, your mother was right: it's certainly not a good idea to run with scissors. Although, there's the good news as well: now having to fork up the dough to abort the fetus, clinically, is out of the question."

"I could have sworn that was little Denny's father blowing your eleven year old son last night at 2am on a bench in the park across the street. It was you, huh?"

This sentence also involves a prop: a bloody kitchen knife in my right hand. "Boy, your husband makes one ugly corpse."

To a Jew: "No, no, no... I said 'aren't you glad that tastes like chicken?' It's actually pork."

At my wedding: "I do... NOT!!!"

More later. Maybe.